A Political Christmas

ADAM MCGEE PEEPS INTO THE PRIVATE LIVES OF POLITICIANS THIS CHRISTMAS

Ever imagined what it’s like in the Cameron household while they hand out their presents? What Corbyn’s Christmas dinner plans are? What Farage’s festive drink of choice is? No? Well, now’s your chance to find out and transport yourself to the Yuletide homes of your, erm, “favourite” politicians.

Note – At Pi Media we don’t actually know what David Cameron wants for Christmas, nor what Christmas dinner with Jeremy Corbyn is really like, nor what Nigel Farage drinks on Christmas Day. Don’t take this as a self-fulfilling prophecy. And don’t sue us.

DAVID CAMERON

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What’s on his Christmas list this year?

  • Pork scratchings (cheap joke, but I bet you smiled)

  • Pork pie (I can keep going…)

  • Apple sauce, to go with the pork (okay, I think I’ve killed it now)

Christmas Wish: For George Osborne to stop thinking he has a chance at being prime minister. He doesn’t.

New Year’s Resolution: Whatever his resolution is, he’ll go back on his promises completely, then U-turn after realising just how unpopular he is.

JEREMY CORBYN

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What’s on his Christmas list this year?

  • A tie (maybe two, he wears them quite often now)

  • The latest GCSE Geography textbook (because, you know, apparently he looks like a teacher)

  • A drain cover. Depicting world peace.

Christmas Wish: For his MPs to actually support him. For those bloody posh-boys on the Conservative benches to stop laughing at him.

New Year’s Revolution Resolution: Do something the media won’t hate [fat chance].

NICOLA STURGEON

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What’s on her Christmas list this year?

  • Independence

Christmas Wish: Independence

New Year’s Resolution: Have a guess.

NIGEL FARAGE

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What’s on his Christmas list this year?

  • A fine British pork pie (but for a different reason to David Cameron)

  • A fine British manufactured product (doesn’t matter what, so long as it says ‘Sheffield Steel’ or ‘Made in Birmingham’ on it)

  • Booze. Doesn’t matter what kind, as long as he can get sloshed.

Christmas Wish: The continuation and security of the fine British monarchy, after that bloody republican took over the Labour party

New Year’s Resolution: Not to quit being UKIP leader again. It didn’t work.

TIM FARRON

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What’s on his Christmas list this year?

  • Who knows. The media can’t even spell his name right (I’m looking at you, The Sun)

Christmas Wish: For someone to actually recognise him. Literally, anyone. Not even Nick Clegg knows who he is.

New Year’s Resolution: Doesn’t really matter what he decides to do, nobody cares any more.

NATALIE BENNETT

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What’s on her Christmas list this year?

  • Organic vegan Christmas dinner (otherwise known as an expensive potato).

  • An environmentally-friendly and ethically sourced scarf. Grey, of course.

Christmas Wish: Please Santa, can you make her taller? She could hardly see over that lectern on those TV debates.

New Year’s Resolution: Find a way to stay relevant what with that Jeremy Corbyn cobber nicking all the Green Party policies.

ED MILIBAND

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Could be an awkward Christmas this year. Expect a difficult Skype call with David in America. Unlikely they’ll be exchanging presents.

Christmas Wish: To regain some colour in his hair after those wild and ageing years as Labour leader.

New Year’s Resolution: Keep head down.

Image credits: Wikimedia Commons, Flickr, the Photoshop efforts of Politics ed. Rafy Hay

@mcgeebo123

OpinionAdam McGeePolitics