Are We Obsessed With Ourselves?
Image Credits: @jemima_jo_kirke via Instagram Stories
Are we a self-absorbed society? Is Narcissus smiling proudly? Was that thing I said last night weird? Does everyone hate me now? ‘You guys might be thinking about yourselves too much’, retorts Jemima Kirke, actor-turned-columnist for ELLE, addressing the many ‘unconfident young women’. Obsession over external perception lies at the core of a lack of confidence. While a certain amount of insecurity is natural, it seems our unintended narcissism pulls us away from who we are, towards who we think we should be.
In search of the ‘new year, new me’, the next cool girl persona, authenticity is lost in the obsession of how others see us. The need for a labelable identity, a version of ourselves we can be neatly put into a box - forcefully aligned with a Pinterest-adjacent life and Instagram aesthetic - is rooted in insecurity and dissatisfaction. We don’t like who we are when no one’s watching. Recent rebellions can be seen in Phoebe Bridgers’ controversial statement on banning phones in her upcoming tour. This move will allow concert-goers to fully immerse themselves in the ambiance, and dance to ‘Kyoto’ like no one’s watching - fully embracing the experience, bar the restless need to record a Story-post.
There are striking similarities between the word ‘obsession’ and ‘possession’, not just in sound, but in meaning. Intrinsically intertwined, both stem from a lack of control. Like a sickness we obsess over the need to possess [a quality], a constant deliberation over what we don’t have but think we need. Recent therapies encourage a cold hard look in the mirror to resolve our issues, rigorous reflections through self-care, self-love, self-improvement. A lifestyle makeover is additionally sought, with popular social media trends highlighting an unprocessed, active and relentlessly full life in the name of wellness. Hot girls read, hot girls crochet, hot girls debate Descartes, ‘I think therefore I am’. Effortless omniscience is the marker of a (paradoxically) hot and cool girl. This isn’t a new phenomenon. 200 years ago Jane Austen already wrote on the topic of Hot Accomplished Girls, with Mr Darcy famously stating ‘[He] cannot boast of knowing more than half a dozen [women]...that are really accomplished.’
The multi-talented Hot Girl fantasy focuses, in theory, on intellectual and creative activities, however ultimately gears towards appearances. Hobbies should be enjoyed, not done to be perceived as ‘hot’, and it’s this obsession with trends that leads to a lack of originality. These labels, ‘hot girls do X and Y’, attempt to assign attributes that help us understand ourselves, and this is where the question of exploration emerges. Are these trends something we need to go through to discover who we are? People naturally go through phases, so maybe we should just leave hot girls and their hobbies be.
The desire to ‘know thyself’ is not a bad thing, but if the journey of self-discovery is trod with the objective of reaching a prescribed persona, we may be walking down the wrong path. It’s okay not to like certain things. The most important part of exploration is figuring out what works for you - bad haircuts, awkward phases, Hunger Games fan-edit page and all. Social media obsession has stunted these stages of growth. Self-discovery doesn’t need an end goal. It's the journey, not the destination, that matters, after all. We’re taught to make every moment meaningful and time-worthy - but sometimes the bravest thing is to try and fail. To embrace uncomfortability and risk embarrassment, at the reward of a night of pure enjoyment. Enjoyment without obsession over saying the right thing or looking perfect while doing so. ‘Coolness’ doesn’t fit into a box. It’s not a smoothed over Pinterest aesthetic, it’s raw, messy, imperfect, and most importantly, individual and authentic.