Pottermania: How Far is Too Far?

EMMA GROOME DISCUSSES THE NEW HARRY POTTER PLAY, AND THE FANS THAT SIMPLY CAN’T LET GO. 

Tickets for the new Harry Potter play went on sale last week, and everyone kind of lost the plot. 

The result has been troubling, with Potter fans everywhere suffering repetitive strain injury from the constant refreshing of web browsers, as well as the psychological torment of queuing for hours, only to receive absolutely nothing. 

If you’re still hoping to snag one, then you need to lower your expectations. Obviously, they went faster than you can say petrificus totalus. Even the customers who were lucky enough to get a ticket had to shell out up to £130 for the privilege of feeding their Pottermania. 

Some people might say it’s all got a bit far. I think those people might have a point. Were seven books not enough? All 1,084,170 words? It would seem nothing is sacred, much like the final instalment of the Harry Potter films, the play has been split into two parts. If someone could enlighten me as to why that’s entirely necessary, I’d love to know. 

Don’t get me wrong, I love Harry Potter. I grew up waiting eagerly for the release of each book, re-reading each until I knew enough trivia to win some sort of weird purely-Potter based University Challenge (that’s the dream, isn’t it?). I even love the films. My first crush was on Rupert Grint and to this day, he still holds a special place in my heart. But the beauty of any story, I feel, lies in it’s ending. Obviously concluding ten years of writing was never going to be easy, but The Deathly Hallows coped remarkably well. We saw Harry as a grown man, with a family, and a life beyond the dark threats of his youth, as the book says: all was well. 

JK Rowling, it turns out, seems to disagree. Harry Potter and the Cursed Child continues with a middle-aged Potter, overworked Ministry employee, and father of three. Back in Hogwarts, it turns out mini-Potter (Albus), is destined for as many life-vs-death situations as his father. That’s right folks, it’s going to happen all over again. Honestly, I’ve started waking up in the middle of the night in a sweat, panicking that the Potters will keep reproducing till the end of time, and that we’ll never escape the legacy of chocolate frogs and the endless battle of good-vs-evil.  

I thought Pottermore (a sort of Potter-themed Alcoholics Anonymous) was enough for those of us who suffered slightly more separation anxiety than is deemed socially appropriate. Instead, the saga lives on, and most people are absolutely thrilled. Luke Baker, a third year on his year abroad, managed to grab a ticket. I asked him how he felt: “I’m feeling sooooo excited”, he gushed over Facebook messenger. It can’t be denied, that in saying this, Baker speaks for the masses. 

I’ll let you know if my fears are quelled though; despite my misanthropic take on it all, I actually have a ticket to go with him.