Types of people in quarantine
Ethel Scull 36 Times, Andy Warhol, Whitney Museum of American Art. Photography by JR P on Flickr
Sam Vladimirsky and Blake Bichler expose the types of people you probably have encountered one way or another during the lockdown.
The Challenger — you’ve probably seen Bill Clinton on their Instagram story, know at least 30 of their favorite songs, and have witnessed their ability to do 10 push-ups
The Athlete — started running when quarantine began, has not been seen since.
Hospital staff — God bless ‘em.
The Serial Dater — has forty-seven new matches since yesterday afternoon, complains to their current Zoom love interest about their previous Zoom love interest, while also planning future love-related endeavours on Zoom.
The Tik-Toker — 6 followers for humor, 30 million for crop tops
The Hermit — unaware of the pandemic. Just thinks people finally came around to their lifestyle.
The TP Hoarder — I assume they either have IBS, enjoy mummy cosplay, or are building one hell of a fort.
The protestor — probably has coronavirus.
The student — cheating in all their classes, still averages a B with a 60% online attendance record.
The hibernator — zzz.
The girl on OnlyFans — currently reaping the benefits.
The teacher — probably more drunk than you.
The fitness guru — you mean you don’t have a fully-equipped fitness center and above average lighting set-up in your basement?
Ina Garten — thriving.
Your cat — please make it stop.
The influencer — you can get their pillow set for 15% off with the code LASTNAME, a 2-for-1 special if you order now, and free shipping if you use the hashtag #sellout
The celebrity — “check out my new YouTube channel, and no, that’s not a two- thousand-square-foot in-ground pool in the background.
The Chef—LOOK! AT! MY! BREAD!
The doomsday prepper — told you so.
Donald Trump —currently injecting ethanol.