UCL's Provost Sends Mysterious Email

STUDENTS OF UCL, CHECK YOUR EMAILS NOW.

Michael Arthur, Provost and President of UCL, has sent a mysterious email to every student at the university.

IN TYPICAL UCL FASHION, STUDENTS HAVE PILED ON TO THE EMAIL CHAIN WITH THEIR OWN WITTY COMMENTS, OR SIMPLY TO SAY HI.

The winner of wittiest response has to go to Daniel Roe, however. 

<3 DANIEL.

#BELLOGATE HAS EVEN STARTED TO TREND ON TWITTER.

THE QUESTION REMAINS, WHAT ON EARTH WAS ARTHUR TRYING TO TELL US?

Has he caught on to the latest trend of posting riddles for fans, as J.K. Rowling did earlier this week?

At time of publication,  Michael Arthur was unavailable for comment. But we think we know what he’d say.

UPDATE:

SOME GENIUS HAS SIGNED UP THE “ALL-STUDENTS@UCL.AC.UK” EMAIL ADDRESS TO GAY PORN.

ALL UCL STUDENTS ARE NOW NOMINALLY REGISTERED TO SOME WEIRD DRAGON SEX THING (I COULDN’T STAY ON THE WEBSITE FOR MORE THAN A FEW SECONDS), AND ARE ALL UKIP MEMBERS.

UPDATE 2:

WITHIN THREE HOURS #BELLOGATE HAS REACHED NUMBER 1 ON UK TRENDS.

UPDATE 3:

#BELLOGATE HAS REACHED ISD

IT’S PROBABLY A SAFE BET THAT ISD AREN’T ACTUALLY BEHIND THAT EMAIL, THOUGH.

UPDATE 4:

GOOD MORNING! WHAT AN EXCEPTIONAL EVENING LAST NIGHT WAS. THE EMAIL THREAD IS SHOWING NO SIGN OF RELENTING, AND #BELLOGATE IS STILL TRENDING AT NUMBER TWO.

Mike Cope, director of ISD, commented on the situation: “UCL ISD are investigating this problem as a matter of urgency and are attempting to ensure that all access to the affected list is shut down for the time being.

In the meantime, please ensure that if you are receiving these emails, you do not respond to the list, as this is compounding the quantity of email being sent.”

#BELLOGATE HAS CHANGED US ALL FOREVER. NEVER FORGET.

UPDATE 5:

IT’S OVER. UCL ISD HAVE SHUT DOWN THE EMAIL LIST.

IN A TEXT (AS OBVIOUSLY NO ONE TRUSTS EMAIL ANYMORE), THE UNIVERSITY HAS CONFIRMED THAT IT CLOSED DOWN THE LIST AT 9:30 AM.

WE CAN NOW BEGIN THE REPARATIONS OF OUR INBOXES, TRYING TO SCREEN FOR GENUINE EMAILS AMONG THE DETRITUS OF LAST NIGHT’S EVENTS.

NO MORE EMAILS WILL BE SENT ASKING THE UCL COMMUNITY TO HELP FIND ALASDAIR’S MISSING RULER.

WE WON’T BE SIGNED UP TO ANY MORE PORN SITES, POLITICAL PARTIES, OR DATING AGENCIES.

UCL, LET’S TAKE TODAY TO FIND ALASDAIR HIS RULER. FOR #BELLOGATE.