What do you want to be right now?

For as long as I can remember, I have been asked what I wanted to be when I grew up: by family, teachers, friends, bosses and tutors. I find the question to be paradoxically boundless and limiting.

We’re often naturally inclined to look to what comes next. In school we look towards our GCSEs, in sixth form we look towards our A Levels, after our exams we look towards university admissions, or job offers. In university, each year we look to the next; in each job role, to the next promotion. “I just need to get through this week” is said far too frequently for it to hold any substantial meaning. We are constantly looking ahead without appreciating the moments we are in.

Ambition is by no means a negative quality. If life became truly stagnant with no driving forces for change, we would all become bored very quickly. It makes me truly happy to see people innovating, and trying again and again to improve themselves and their environments. But a clear distinction must be drawn between ambition and discontentment.

This is not to say that everyone must be content with their situation. It is inevitable that at points in all our lives we will crave change. However, it is very different to be dissatisfied with every goal achieved,  disallowing oneself to appreciate personal gain and achievement. It can be hard to be proud of yourself in a society that shuns any displays of the sort, praising humility. We need to delineate the difference between being overbearingly pretentious and being proud. If we can never be good enough for our own approval, no one will ever be happy.

When I was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, my answers continuously changed: I might be a princess, a singer, a teacher, a physcologist, a surgeon, a writer… the list goes on. I was lucky enough to have a very supportive environment growing up, both at home and at school. I was always told that I could be anything I wanted to be (with the exception of a singing career, which my mum carefully guided me away from). Yet, for so many this is not the case. The question narrows your opportunities and the potential you might see in yourself.

People easily become boxed into categories which seem impossible to escape. The working class girl from the North could never get into university. She can work in a nursery – obviously she loves kids, she’s a girl. Her brother can be a builder – you need big boy muscles for a job like that. Whether or not these are the paths they wanted to pursue in the first place, once they get there they feel stuck. ‘If this is what I wanted to be – what I’m meant to be – how could I leave? What else could I do?’

The question “what do you want to be when you grow up?” to me appears to imply a definite end goal – a plateau. It asks for strictly one thing you are working toward. It also puts an innate focus on labour for aspiration. The question naturally begs what job you would like to have, but what if I don’t have a job in mind? What if when I grow up, I just want to be happy? Can that still be seen as worthwhile and valid an answer as “I want to be a CEO”?

The happiest people I know aren’t just single-mindedly pursuing any one thing. Some may have more specific goals than others, but everyone has more than one source of joy. They have healthy relationships, they’re active, they utilise their skills, they help others to find the same joy. They are aspirational, but they do not let it detract from the now. They make sure to take as much happiness as they can find, whatever they are doing, whenever they are doing it.

I am very much a culprit of everything I’m arguing against here. I am never satisfied with anything I have done. Even with clear, major accomplishments sitting right in front of me, I will brush them off as flukes and undeserved. And I’m not alone. Less than 25% of people never experience days where they feel bad at their job. Studies have shown that as many as 82% of people experience imposter syndrome. If none of us can accept our best as good enough, then nothing can change. The desire for bettering oneself draws a fine line between healthy aspiration and self-destruction.

Constantly pushing yourself harder is not always the solution. Reaching breaking-point and burn-out cannot be the goal. I find thinking about what I want to be when I grow up intimidatingly open-ended. Even if I planned my life years in advance, I have no way of knowing if things would happen how I wanted them to. To me, it’s much easier and preferable to ask what I want to be right now.

I can’t control how the next ten years of my life will go, but I can take the time now to enjoy myself – to work towards things I enjoy doing, and go out with the people I enjoy spending time with. I’ll likely still beat myself up for leaving my assignments until late, or for not getting that extra 1% on a grade, but I know I don’t have to spend all my energy on that. I can think about what I can do now, so I can be what I want to be right now.