A Third Year’s Guide to Surviving London as a Poor Student
London: A cultural metropolis, home to Big Ben, Van Gogh's Sunflowers… and £20 TFL charges. As a poor student, you'll rapidly learn your biggest challenge is surviving in a city that charges £6+ for a coffee.
So, to make things easier, I've put together a guide to surviving here.
Transport
The infamous London underground. Marvel of modern engineering or cheek-by-jowl sardine tin? Hey, at least it beats walking, unless you're serious about eating this month.
Also, do NOT attempt to bump the tube. A ‘friend’ of mine may have accidentally broken the Warren Street barriers trying to ram her way through. Not only did this lead to me her being referred to as the 'tubby- tuber' for a good month afterwards, but I she is also reminded of it every time she walks past it.
Biking is another great option. When you're on your bike, the rules of the road don't apply to you, making you free to mow down unsuspecting freshers on TCR.
And if university doesn't work out, you can always turn to a phone-snatching gig. The careers advisor was right - job opportunities in London really are endless!
Food
Cooking? It’s likely you'll end up on a diet of pasta and instant noodles. Pro-tip - if you add ketchup to a meal, it’s your vegetable intake for the day. If you're lucky enough to befriend a cooking fanatic, make sure to overeat like it's your last meal - it may well be, at least until the next loan comes in.
You want to go out to eat? Adorable. That'll set you back half your life savings, more if they add a service charge. Master the art of asking to remove this. What you lose in dignity you'll make up for with the pints you can buy.
If you really can't hack another pasta dinner, hit up a Pret around closing. The trick is to lean into the puppy-eyes. Because if you don’t get that free panini, you’re going to be a starving student in the doghouse.
Entertainment
Who needs the West End when you have endless entertainment on the streets? Whether it’s a LinkedIn warrior on their way to maximise shareholder profit or a hockey fresher dressed as a pumpkin, people watching will never fail you.
If someone comes up to you to talk about knife crime, the safest bet is to simply stare blankly ahead. You can’t be a good Samaritan and a Londoner at the same time; that’s like saying you’ve found an affordable UCL accommodation - an oxymoron.
On the bright side…
Admittedly, London living is not all bad. Sure, you've got gloomy weather, odd people, and stressful budgeting, but you’ll constantly make memories. You'll leave with a degree in extreme sports (like navigating campus to avoid people you've got with at Scala), and a ton of stories to tell your kids.
So you've got this, fellow poor student. By the end of your degree you’ll be able to survive anything. Even a Zone 1 grocery shop.