Public Proposals: The First Nail in the Coffin or a Rom-Com in the Making?

Image Credit: Will Thomas

You’re scrolling through Instagram when you pause on a video of a couple, surrounded by people; one lover drops down on one knee whilst - more often than not - the other looks around nervously before whispering a yes and burying their face in their partner. You can’t help but feel like you just watched someone's worst nightmare come true... 

Public proposals are a matter of controversy. When you switch on While You Were Sleeping and Jack tosses a ring into the token booth in front of his whole family, or when Colin Firth declares his undying love for a woman he’s yet to have a full conversation with, in front of her entire town in Love Actually, you may find yourself rooting for these public displays of affection. But, in reality, are public proposals just a way to ensure your partner says yes when you’re otherwise uncertain that they would?

Surveys have shown that up to 85% of people would prefer their proposals to be private, and, according to data by Virgin Media O2, the biggest proposal blunder a partner can make is popping the question in a public place. 

So, with the odds so firmly against them, what would drive someone to propose so publicly? One argument is that it’s coercive, gaslighting behaviour, attempting to manipulate a yes when you don’t fully believe they would accept otherwise. Any socially anxious person will cringe at the idea of rejecting someone in front of an audience, so does a public proposal increase your chances? 

One particularly memorable proposal was during the Rio Olympics, where Olympian He Zi had just received a silver medal for her dive when her boyfriend of six years took a knee. He Zi said yes, but there was a public outcry at the gesture, with people claiming that her moment was stolen from her; that he was playing up for the camera (perhaps confirmed by his cringe-worthy fistpump down the lens). However, nearly 8 years on, all sources point to a happy, healthy marriage - having even started a family together.  So, in this instance at least, it seems a public proposal can lead to happily ever after. 

Realistically, I am sure there are people who would love the grandeur of a public proposal. It only takes one scroll through social media during Homecoming season to see all the elaborate ‘Promposals’ that take place, where public declarations are not only admired, but are actually the norm. Some women may want their Sandra Bullock moment, with Ryan Reynolds taking a knee in front of all their co-workers (The Proposal), whereas others (myself included) may lean towards a simple ring in a Chinese takeaway (Bride Wars). 

Regardless, a proposal style should never be a surprise. If you and your partner haven’t discussed how you would ideally like to be proposed to, then, I can’t help but feel that you aren’t quite ready for marriage.